The blame game...Part I of the Decline and Fall of common sense in what used to be a shit-hot country.

To those that occasionally peruse my blog, forgive my extended absence...I've been pumping out newspaper copy like an eight-year old Cambodian boy on the Nike assembly line this summer and haven't had much time to kick out the sleazy literary jams that my friends have come to expect.

But I found myself with a few moments of solitude and one of the most disgusting, inane, horrifically stupid takes on a subject that I've ever heard, so I figured it was time to dust off the satire, cynicism and angst in my return to the blogging ring.

So, let me ring the goddamn bell...

The U.S. had a 5.9 (or 5.8, depending on the source) magnitude earthquake near Richmond, Va., yesterday afternoon. It caused some damage, a smidgeon of panic in cities such as our illustrious national capital and overall gave media outlets some news other than our inept government to chew on for a day.

Of course, folks on Facebook came up with the litany of jokes that were to be expected, such as the debt ceiling collapsing or there being an Obama or Bush fault line being at fault for the earthquake...ya know, the typical humorous and sometimes snide remarks that accompany such an event, especially in D.C.

But I knew that good-natured ribbing wouldn't last long before some ignorant twit opened their mouth and allowed for something hateful and prejudiced to come out.

Sure enough, some dumbfuck Rabbi in New York made my blog really easy to write today by blaming the D.C. -area earthquake on gay marriage.

First, let me say that I feel safe in knowing that religious leaders in our country are such scholars versed in plate tectonics, seismic waves and geology that they can discount a natural occurrence, which was taking place long before neanderthals could even speak the word "gay." I guess I should tell my daughter to forget going to college for geology and skip right ahead to getting her minister's certificate online for $15 bucks.

Because obviously Dr. Attila Kilinc, a geology professor at the University of Cincinnati whose class I took, and who explains earthquakes and their causes in a methodical, scientific way, was WAYYYYYY fuckin' wrong, right?

It was gay marriage all along. Shit...how could I be so blind? We've been duped!

You can read the good rabbi's true, scientific explanation for the earthquake and the accompanying video here:

http://www.rawstory.com/rawreplay/2011/08/nom-speaker-blames-east-coast-earthquake-on-gays/

I have to wonder if God ever gets tired of being blamed for every natural disaster by those corrupt, insane humans on this Earth that preach hatred under the veil of religion. I mean, really, if I'm God, I'm feeling like a scapegoat for a lot of idiots right now.

Pat Robertson, The Westboro Baptist Church; the list goes on and on...

Blame all the world's calamities on gay folks, liberals, atheists, anarchists and their ilk...then go to home to your $10.5 million home like Joel Osteen, while thousands starve in our country daily...

Or go get a massage from a gay escort, Ted Haggard...

Or use the profits from your Operation Blessing, Pat Robertson, to fund a blood diamond mine in Zaire...

Or cover up child sexual abuse, Father (Insert name here).

Or, blame a fucking earthquake on gays, because, well, they are an easy target, aren't they, Rabbi Levin? And you are just so Godly in addition to being a seismologist.

The worst is that Americans listen to Levin, Robertson, Osteen, Haggard and their cabal of hatemongers that blame the disasters that happen throughout the globe to "immorality."

It's a tired schtick. But one that ignorant followers of these bastards, in addition to some bandwagon-hopping politicians, keep lapping up like a thirsty dog and it's one that is slinking its way into our country's political system, one inch at a time.

God help us all if that happens.

I'll wrap this up with a funny thought that's been tumbling through my gray matter over the past day...

God and Jesus love everyone. The Bible tells me so.

Us humans just decided to add stipulations to the fuckin' contract.

-Spragoo